Understanding the Qualities of Love Part 3 (from Unleashed You)

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It sounds so idealistic, but that’s the way humility should be expressed in our lives. Humility allows us to recognize and accept our limitations so that we will not boast and be arrogant of our accomplishments in the lives of other people.

Humility in any relationship is an important factor because it helps you recognize others’ personal worldviews. It is always demonstrated by laying aside your own personal agenda in favor of the needs of others.

Love is not self-seeking. When you truly love, you are willing to sacrifice your own self. You will always look out for the best interests of others and will not dwell on satisfying your own selfish desires. The emphasis here is, when you love, do it unconditionally without expecting anything in return.

The very definition of self-seeking tells us the focus—“pursuing only one’s own ends or interests.” When you keep on seeking your own interests, you will be frustrated.

If you choose to love, show kindness, or do good things to other people because you want recognition and promotion in the eyes of men, you’ll be disappointed. Some people will be ungrateful. Recognition may be given to somebody else. If your love is not self-seeking, such oversights won’t bother you.

Living with compassion for others demonstrates love. Compassion is a quality of love that compels us to take action to alleviate the pain of those living in suffering. Having a desire to help people in miserable situations is a sign of a compassionate heart.

A practical example of this is seen in our mutual tendency to help the victims of natural calamities, such as floods. In such cases, we can see many people who have lost their source of living and are forced to depend on help from other people, the government, and charitable organizations.

Without compassion, we will not take action to help meet their needs. It is innate for a human being to feel pity for the misery of others. Compassion is what pushes us to act on their behalf.

Love HOPES that everything will go well. This is connected with having the quality of longsuffering. Hope is the opposite of despair. It is a conviction that a positive outcome or favorable event or circumstances will occur in one’s life. It is a desire coupled with an expectation to reach what you are dreaming of, or to expect with confidence that a desperate situation and circumstance will resolve into a positive one.

Hope enables a person who is in love with someone to keep persevering, even when their love is put to the test.

A person will strive to master a certain career in spite of the difficulties because that’s what he or she loves to do – and he hopes to succeed. Hope makes relationships workable.

Hope can restore broken marriages. Hope drives you to move on after calamities, devastation, failures, and brokenness, to achieve a better life. Love will motivate your hopes for the best and will give you peace so that you can even have a good night of rest.

The hope which accompanies true love is closely related to “faith”. Scripture speaks of faith in God, yet the scriptural description of faith fits well with what we have just been discussing. “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1, NKJV)

Unfortunately, such faith in another person leaves you vulnerable to the pain that accompanies unfaithfulness. That’s why people who have been “burned” in love may find it difficult or impossible to trust enough to truly love again.

Love forgives. True love will empower you to forgive even a seemingly unforgivable offense done to you. A husband who cheated is forgiven because of the wife’s unconditional love. If you truly love someone you will be willing to forgive him or her even though he or she has wronged or offended you.

It is common, though, for people to have a hard time forgiving those who have wronged and hurt them. Many times, they want the other person to suffer before they are willing to forgive them.

Syndicated columnist Ann Landers stated the case well when she wrote, “Hate is like an acid that does as much damage to the vessel in which it is stored as to the object on which it is poured.”

People who cherish hatred don’t realize that the person they want to hurt doesn’t even feel the pain; only they, themselves feel it – because it’s the pain of bitterness.

If this sounds familiar, please understand that you should not keep on harboring the hatred within you when your offender has already asked for your forgiveness. You will feel the pain of this hatred while the other person is living in peace.

Here are some practical truths you need to know on the issue of forgiveness.

a. Realize that it’s not the burden of the offender to forgive.
b. Don’t wait for the person to ask forgiveness.
c. It is not the offender that suffers emotionally; it is you.
d. Being unforgiving is costly and self destructive.
e. If you forgive, you’re helping yourself.
f. Forgive —and receive relief.

You may think of other qualities of love that are not mentioned here. What I have shared with you are observations that I have made in my personal life. Realizing these truths can give you a sense of purpose and allow you to live life to the fullest.

Action Steps

What is your definition of love?
In what way do you express your love to others?
Which of the eleven qualities we’ve discussed in this chapter are not being manifest in your life today? Why?
Make a list of those people whom you have not really forgiven. What would it take for you to forgive them?
Describe your understanding of the following statement: “Where there is love, there is life.”